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Have you ever found yourself catching feelings for your therapist? Well, 1/3 of clients have and, although this is often underrepresented in academic literature and is largely restricted to private conversations between therapists, understanding the psychology and reasons behind these feelings and learning how therapists can effectively manage them offers valuable information regarding transference which can be crucial nowadays as therapy becomes increasingly more common.
The Dynamics of Transference:
Transference describes the process by which a client unconsciously redirects feelings from past relationships onto their therapist. Freud identified this phenomenon as an essential part of therapy, allowing unresolved emotions from previous relationships to surface. Transference can take many forms, but in cases of romantic or sexual feelings, two distinct types emerge. Firstly Erotic Transference which is usually experienced in the initial stages of therapy, refers to clients who experience romantic or sexual fantasies about their therapist but recognise these to be unrealistic and not mutual. Then, there is Eroticised Transference which involves more purposeful and intense feelings where the client’s romantic preoccupation feels closer to reality, compromising the clients autonomy and capacity to think rationally. It can be described through a client who stated: “I was like a rabbit caught within blinding headlights. I was uneasy, but in a childlike way also excited by being so special to a person such as him. I was very confused, experiencing feelings that I had not felt before. I can only describe it as like being caught up in an emotional earthquake.’’ [3] This is a clear example of a person experiencing what psychoanalysts call adverse idealising transference (AIT) which involves the crude idealisation of the client’s therapist. Many describe this experience as addictive, comparing it to a “mood-enhancing drug”[3]. Over time, most clients overcome this as they learn to relate to their therapist more realistically. However, for some, the attraction intensifies, leaving many clients vulnerable and extremely attached to their therapist. Sexual transferences can also act as a defence mechanism against remembering painful childhood experiences, serving as a method of escaping reality through fantasy.
Both types reveal a powerful attraction which often roots from strong emotions felt in a previous relationship which are then transferred onto their current therapeutic relationship.
Why Clients Fall in Love with Their Therapists:
Many clients enter therapy during periods of intense isolation or interpersonal conflict making them increasingly vulnerable to experiencing these types of feelings as in therapy, one feels safe and listened to. This could be explained by the matching law ‘which posits that one’s response to stimulus is proportional to the level of reinforcement derived from the stimulus’ [1].
These “intimate” interactions can also surge from a lack of validation in the external therapeutic environment and suddenly receiving it can be overwhelming in a positive way.
Clients may have previously experienced toxic and emotionally draining relationships and therefore many therapeutic sessions may involve tackling issues related to love and/or sex which means that transference is more likely to occur.
Therapists could also remind some clients of their past partners which results in romantic feelings being mistakenly attached to them.
Therapists are also often viewed as authority figures who can ‘alleviate’ their clients from pain and emotional confusion and so gratitude can be often mistaken for love or lust.
Clients could have romantic relationship schemas—mental frameworks that guide emotional and behavioural responses in relationships— that include listening intently and responding, two actions which are constantly being carried out by therapists resulting in the client’s schema becoming activated.
Other clients may have had very little experience in the romantic field (theoretically speaking) and are therefore more susceptible to associating their therapists behaviour with romantic ones as their schemas may be largely based on media portrayals (for example: the move ‘In Treatment’) which exacerbate these therapeutic relationships, consequentially leading to the client’s idealisation of their therapist.
Cognitive Distortions and Attraction:
Many clients also have ingrained patterns of cognitive distortions, such as "jumping to conclusions," and so they may misinterpret a therapist’s kindness (essential for their job) as romantic interest. While therapists are trained to provide non-judgmental support, some clients perceive this as evidence of mutual affection and so “falling in love” with them may appear to come naturally. For clients with narcissistic tendencies, feelings of entitlement and a willingness to exploit have been proven to be positively related to aggressive romantic overtures towards therapists as they may feel entitled to their affections and when feel rejected, can become sexually aggressive.
Managing Client Attraction in Therapy:
The challenge for therapists lies in navigating these situations professionally, setting appropriate boundaries, without threatening or hurting the client’s feelings. Repressing or dismissing client feelings can lead to shame, reinforcing a client’s sense of emotional isolation. Psychoanalytic theory advocates for exploring transference as a mechanism to connect with the clients’ unconscious mind and by essentially delving into their romantic or idealised feelings, therapists can help clients better understand their relational patterns, guiding them toward personal growth and understanding.
Establishing a clear framework for the therapeutic relationship is crucial. Therapists should introduce clients to the unique, non-reciprocal nature of therapy early on, ensuring that clients understand the professional boundaries that must be followed. Some analysts advise therapists to not express any personal romantic feelings, although some do argue that acknowledging shared feelings can facilitate conversations about past traumas and deep-rooted conflicts.
Therapists, too, must seek regular supervision or professional support to navigate these complex scenarios which can be done by discussing their reactions with colleagues so that they can ensure they remain objective and avoid countertransference.
Not only are patients falling in love with their therapists but the population as a whole is progressively falling in love with therapy as a concept so the pressing question is whether or not there will there be any backlash in a near future?
Resources:
[1] Rabasco, A. (2021) (PDF) well, that was awkward: When clients develop romantic feelings for Therapists, Research Gate. Available at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/355418098_Well_That_Was_Awkward_When_Clients_Develop_Romantic_Feelings_for_Therapists.
[2] Mandriota, M. (2022) In love with your therapist? here’s what you can do., Psych Central. Available at: https://psychcentral.com/lib/in-love-with-your-therapist-heres-what-to-do (Accessed: 04 November 2024).
[3] Devereux , D. (no date) Transference love and harm therapy Today, September 2016: Volume 27, issue 7, Transference love and harm. Available at: https://www.bacp.co.uk/bacp-journals/therapy-today/2016/september-2016/transference-love-and-harm/ (Accessed: 04 November 2024).
By Liora Beracasa in Y12
Artwork by: Bianca Nikolic Y12
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